Conversations with People Who Hate Me: 12 Things I Learned from Talking to Internet Strangers (Hardcover)
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“Dylan Marron is the internet’s Love Warrior. His work is fresh, deeply honest, wildly creative, and right on time.” —Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author
“Dylan Marron is like a modern Mister Rogers for the digital age.” —Jason Sudeikis
From the host of the award-winning, critically acclaimed podcast Conversations with People Who Hate Me comes a thought-provoking, witty, and inspirational exploration of difficult conversations and how to navigate them.
Dylan Marron’s work has racked up millions of views and worldwide support. From his acclaimed Every Single Word video series highlighting the lack of diversity in Hollywood to his web series Sitting in Bathrooms with Trans People, Marron has explored some of today’s biggest social issues.
Yet, according to some strangers on the internet, Marron is a “moron,” a “beta male,” and a “talentless hack.” Rather than running from this online vitriol, Marron began a social experiment in which he invited his detractors to chat with him on the phone—and those conversations revealed surprising and fascinating insights.
Now, Marron retraces his journey through a project that connects adversarial strangers in a time of unprecedented division. After years of production and dozens of phone calls, he shares what he’s learned about having difficult conversations and how having them can help close the ever-growing distance between us.
Charmingly candid and refreshingly hopeful, Conversations with People Who Hate Me will serve as both a guide to anyone partaking in difficult conversations and a permission slip for those who dare to believe that connection is possible.
About the Author
Dylan Marron is the host and creator of the critically acclaimed podcast Conversations with People Who Hate Me, a social experiment that connects adversarial internet strangers through phone calls. He recently joined the writing staff of the Emmy-winning hit television series Ted Lasso. Dylan is also the voice of Carlos on international podcast sensation Welcome to Night Vale, an alum of the New York Neo Futurists theater company, and the creator of Every Single Word, a video series that edits down popular films to feature only the words spoken by people of color. As a writer and correspondent at Seriously.TV, Dylan created, hosted, and produced Sitting in Bathrooms with Trans People, Shutting Down Bullsh*t, and the Unboxing series. Conversations with People Who Hate Me was selected as a Podcast Pick by USA TODAY and The Guardian, named “the timeliest podcast” by Fast Company, won a Webby Award, and was the subject of Dylan’s 2018 TED Talk “Empathy Is Not Endorsement.” He lives in Brooklyn, New York with his husband Todd.
“I read Conversations with People Who Hate Me in one sitting—hoping that Dylan Marron’s wisdom, sincerity, and hilarity might help me believe again in the potential goodness of the internet. It worked. I believe! Dylan Marron is the internet’s Love Warrior. His work is fresh, deeply honest, wildly creative, and right on time.”
— Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed
"This book has shifted something in me forever. Dylan Marron is as dynamic on the page as he has ever been recorded on video, audio, or live and in person. His ability to see through the facade of human performance and into the heart is enviable, and his skill in transferring the connective tissue of that moment into prose is altogether rare. There is no other book like this because no one else could have written this book with the clarity and compassion of Marron."
— Ashley C. Ford, New York Times bestselling author of Somebody's Daughter
"Part memoir, part guidebook, Conversations with People Who Hate Me reads as if a dear friend is opening their heart to you, knowing you'll heed their hard-earned advice. Dylan masterfully balances unflinching honesty and wit with introspection and grace we could all stand to learn from."
— Franchesca Ramsey, host of MTV’s “Decoded” and author of Well, That Escalated Quickly
"Dylan Marron holds the beating, human heart of the internet in his own heart. This is an essential and necessary book of brilliance, insight, and compassion."
— Jonny Sun, New York Times and international bestselling author of Goodbye, again and everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too
"With this detailed account of his life and work in the public eye, Dylan is showcasing his unique ability to interpret digital and human interactions. He parses out their differences before stunning you with the ways they’ve become the same. Read this with as much thought and care as he did writing it."
— Bowen Yang, comedian, “Saturday Night Live”
"With his signature wit and sincerity, Dylan Marron steps into the role of cultural anthropologist for a fair and nuanced examination of phenomena seemingly devoid of nuance: trolls, haters, cancellation. Far more than just a personal narrative, Marron opens the aperture to shed light on the ways our culture rewards the dismissive and the divisive. Where others may find only despair, Marron offers us hope and a path towards finding connection and meaning in spite of and through our differences. This is a call to bring us from out behind our screens—beyond hot takes and takedowns—and back to our shared, messy humanity. Reading this will inspire you practice the lost art of conversation, to open your ears and listen not just to what is being said, but the deeper meaning behind it."
— Nora McInerny, host of "Terrible, Thanks for Asking"
"This book gives you the kind of thoughtful insight you'd crave from a very good friend. Dylan's writing is warm, patient, intelligent, and provocative. Recommended reading for anyone who spends time on the internet."
— Jo Firestone, comedian, "The Tonight Show"
"I want to DM this book to the masses (were that not missing the point)! A welcome, cozy haven from the relentless performance of the digital sphere, Dylan Marron impeccably captures the subtle, incomparable heart of human connection that is a good conversation. And just like one, Conversations with People Who Hate Me will leave you feeling warm, hopeful, and less alone."
— Aparna Nancherla, comedian and actress
“[An] enlightening debut . . . In a time rife with divisiveness, this opens up an intriguing dialogue about finding ways to connect.”
— Publisher's Weekly
“Marron persuasively argues that the internet is a major source of polarization and that talking personally, and listening fully—without trying to score points or to convince someone to change their mind—goes a long way toward breaking down barriers. The book will delight his fans and draw new listeners to the podcast.”
"Conversations with People Who Hate Me is a fascinating meditation on human connection and on finding common ground with people you never thought possible. It’s about shared humanity, but also the sheer mental stamina it takes to have challenging conversations with those with whom you vehemently disagree. It’s about finding that line between when doing so is important and when it’s fruitless. It’s about extending compassion to others while still holding them accountable."
— Molly Sprayregen